Twice Your Age, and He'll Eat Your Family

For Fuck's Sake!

I wouldn't waste my time with this crap, I haven't read or watched it. I only looked at the headline:

check out CNN.com for 60 is the new sexy

No.

I don't care what you have to say. I don't care how you justify this...


NO!


no. no it isn't. You know who says this: people who are, or about to turn 60. That's it.
Imagine, as the baby boomers hit 90.

90 is the new 30.

"I'm just now discovering how sexy I really am. My breasts. My arms. My legs. I just love the way I look, and there's no extra sloppiness.", says Gurdie Winthrop, 91. "All those drugs I took never had an effect on MY brain". She goes on to say, "And I have a wonderful selection of toys dating back to the 60's."

Sweet, creepin crumbly snatchdust! What the...

IT'S A MYSTERY!

http://nonsenserock.blogspot.com/

So Long, Fuckhole III

No, he ain't dead.


But his career is.

August 3, 1995.

"You have a guy like Maio Lemieux, who hasn't played in a couple of years. He's been great over the period of years he had been playing. But I think if it was an African-American there, still geting paid and not performing and not being able to play, I think it would have been a big issue."

Fair enough. Lets forget, for a moment about all the ownership issues and the two comebacks. It was after all, 1995.

He had, however, taken the strike-shortened year off because of his battle with cancer (where he STILL won the scoring title.)

Let us compare, shall we?

Mario Lemieux

NHL Records
NHL single-season record for shorthanded goals (13 in 1988-89)
NHL record for most goals in one period (4, 26 January 1997, shares record)
NHL record for longest goal-scoring streak (12 games)
NHL All-Star Game record for career goals (13, shares record)
NHL All-Star Game record for goals in a single-game (4 in 1990, shares record)
NHL All-Star Game record for points in a single-game (6 in 1988)
NHL playoff record for goals in a single period (4, shares record)
NHL playoff record for goals in a single game (5, shares record)
NHL playoff record for points in a single period (4, shares record)
Pittsburgh Penguins team record for career games played (915)
Pittsburgh Penguins team record for career goals (690)
Pittsburgh Penguins team record for career assists (1033)
Pittsburgh Penguins team record for career points (1723)
Pittsburgh Penguins single-season record for goals (85 in 1988-89)
Pittsburgh Penguins single-season record for assists (114 in 1988-89)
Pittsburgh Penguins single-season record for points (199 in 1988-89)
Pittsburgh Penguins single-game record for goals (5, three occasions)
Shares Pittsburgh Penguins single-game record for assists (6, three occasions)
Pittsburgh Penguins single-game record for points (8, two occasions)
Only player in NHL history to score a goal in each of the five different ways possible in one game (even-strength, power-play, shorthanded, penalty shot, and empty-net) (December 31, 1988 against the New Jersey Devils)

Awards
He won the NHL rookie of the year award, six Art Ross Trophies, the NHL's single-season points award, and his number, 66, has been retired by the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP)- 1988, 1993, 1996
Art Ross Trophy (Scoring Champion)- 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1996, 1997
Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)- 1991, 1992
Lester B. Pearson Award (MVP voted on by peers)- 1986, 1988, 1993, 1996
NHL Plus/Minus Award - 1993
Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)- 1985
Chrysler-Dodge/NHL Performer of the Year -1985, 1986, 1987
Lester Patrick Trophy (Contribution to Hockey - USA)- 2000
Bill Masterton Trophy (Sportsmanship and Dedication to Hocky) (Can win only once in career)- 1993
NHL All-Star Game MVP - 1985, 1989, 1999
NHL First All-Star Team - 1988, 1989, 1993, 1996, 1997
NHL Second All-Star Team - 1986, 1987, 1992, 2001
NHL All-Rookie Team - 1985
Lou Marsh Trophy - 1993
In 1998, he was ranked number 4 on The Hockey News' list of the 100 Greatest Hockey

50/50 (50 goals in teams first 50 games) (one of five players.)

Beat cancer in the middle of a season and STILL won the scoring title.

Two Stanley Cups

Eric Green

ProBowl: 1995 (as alternate), 1996

6 game suspension for violation of league's substance abuse policy

1 rap video.

1 allegation of racism by the "Pittsburgh media".

Nobody blames you, I'm sure you meant well. You were just keeping it real. We miss you Eric.

Hell Yeah!

KDKA Source: Arena Deal Is Done

They'd better not be playin' wit my 'motions!

So Long, Fuckholes II

'Nuff said

Submitted For Your Approval, Johnny St. Claire:

Please, oh please change it so that comments can be left anonymously. It's too hard!

Boo Hoo, Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wha Wha WHA?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$20,000,000 Guaranteed?!!!!!!!!

Guaranteed?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.

Good for him.

It says here that Miami will regret this sooner rather than later.

And that is good for the Stillers.

Of course, if that whole thing with the arena doesn't end well, I hope the "Stillers" and all the "Yinzers" go fuck each other. Somewhere far, far away from me.

Have You Seen Me Lately?

So Dammit boy, poor dammit boy. He's been AWOL for months now with the occasional sighting: shows up one night with some young thing in a vain attempt to pass hisself off as "not so gay", or the occasional call for me to synthesize "poppers" or "goofballs".

What fucking year is this anyway?

Then there was the "unfortunate "misunderstanding"" on To Catch a Predator. But somehow the bastard-covered bastard with bastard center got lucky and wound up transporting the tape to the network, and so it "got lost in transit" (Don't worry, when I find it, I'm playing it on public access.)

Then the poor bastard has to take his homoshow over the road. All those long, hot, hard, electric nights away from home - only the sound of strange men on your C.B. to keep you company. ...Glory holes everywhere.

Anyway. So I get a text message from dammitboy from (SF, wherever that is): Penis (OK, he's got me right there. Apparently there are fewer funnier words than penis).

But I digress. Message:



"Penis... as far as the eye can see. Nutin but penis."

Obviously he's trying to get out of a funk. I've been there many times before: the funk, not penis everywhere. Funk.

So anyway, I do exactly what any good friend would do: send a bunch of comments cementing his gayness.

What do you think of these? Or add your own.

1. Then pocket the money you already got, get off of your knees and come home.
2. Or just close your eyes and smile like a doughnut.
3. If you were just truthful about it, and added "in my mouth", it'd be haiku.

Penis. As far as
the eye can see. Nutin but
penis (in my mouth).


Notice he used "Nutin".

...




He didn't even say "No homo".

Discuss.

So Long, Fuckholes

Fuckhole # 1.

I used to respect him. Then he died and "stuff" came out: How he pardoned Nixon. Not because the "Nation needed to heal" but because he felt he was the only friend that scumbag Nixon had.

Yeah, that is a real great reason for pardoning a criminal.

"also criticized Cheney -- Ford's White House chief of staff -- and former Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, who served as Ford's chief of staff and defense secretary."Rumsfeld and Cheney and the president made a big mistake in justifying going into the war in Iraq. They put the emphasis on weapons of mass destruction," Ford told Woodward."And now, I've never publicly said I thought they made a mistake, but I felt very strongly it was an error in how they should justify what they were going to do… And I just don't think we should go hellfire damnation around the globe freeing people, unless it is directly related to our own national security." Ford said that Cheney "was an excellent chief of staff. First class… But I think Cheney has become much more pugnacious" as vice president. "

Yeah, way to go, you coward. Sticking up for the party. Because that is what is important...

Fuckhole number two.

Go eat a horse.